as you can tell, it's a been a little while. life has changed a lot since i last looked at this page. i haven't even thought about this website in the longest time. to say that i am a different person since my last post is an understatement. i am different... very very different. i lost someone i loved deeply. he is gone forever, and i am forever changed for good and bad. i don't know what i'm doing, but i know i need something. i need to put my mind to something. i need to find something. i need to put hope towards something because currently, i have none. i need to expend energy. so here i am... writing... thinking... expending.
this is the last photo i took on my camera. i guess i took it a few weeks ago when i was checking to see if my camera even worked. before that, the last personal photo i took was at the beach with my mom in october 2015. clearly, it's been a minute since i've picked my camera up with even a little itch of interest. i put it up here because it's exactly what i am and where i am. it's dark, disheveled, boring, and without effort. angus was my radar in more ways than i would have ever thought and certainly more than i would have ever wanted to admit when he was alive. he was my north. but now my north is gone. i am sad and i feel incredibly lost. i have to find my north or be my own north. i have to do something. i just want to be real. i don't want to edit so much... i just want to be who i am and be where i am. i want to be my own real deal.
*daytona - storm so long*